You Live What You Learn
by MadameMeow
Summary: I wasn't sure what genre to put this in. I'd call it introspection, but there isn't any such genre ^_^. Anyways, this is a deviant from my usual style. Deals with Lina and her relationship with her sister and friends.


You Live What You Learn - Madame Meow  
  
Well, folks, I'm back, and bringing a number of firsts with me. First time I've   
ever written so many fanfics in such a short period of time, first time I've actually   
finished a fanfic *sweatdrop*, and the first time I've ever written a songfic. Actually,   
writing a songfic is something I swore I'd never do, mostly because, though a few can be   
quite good, most are horrifying bland, trite, out of character, overdone, clichéd, etc etc   
etc. And I'm not saying that MY fanfic will not fall under any of the above titles. But I   
have this song stuck in my head all day, and thinking about has been driving me crazy.   
So call this a little mental exorcism. With any luck, after this it will be gone.  
  
But on other topics, this isn't going to be a regular songfic. I'm actually just   
going to type out all the lyrics at the top, since I find that the story being broken into   
pieces interspersed with lyrics annoys me. The song is 'Points of Authority' by Linkin   
Park. And I thank Jeff, my pal, for introducing them to me. Unlike most of my fics,   
there won't be any romance in this fic. It deals with Lina and her relationship with her   
sister, and with her friends. Admittedly, there isn't a lot to go on with this, but going on   
circumstantial evidence, I came up with this.  
  
One last thing. I, personally, do not think Lina Inverse is the kind of person who   
thinks about things a lot. I think she's smart, intelligent, and all those other good things,   
but she doesn't give a lot of thought to how she acts, what she does, what she's gone   
through, or where she's going. But that would really screw up this fanfic, so pretend for   
a while that she is, okay? And here we go. ^_^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Points of Authority - by Linkin Park  
  
Note: These lyrics were what I got from listening to the song over and over. This is the   
song that I have. I'm pretty sure this is not the official version, or at least, every lyrics   
site I have visited has lyrics different to the ones I hear. I don't know what's up with   
that. I'm using the version I have because THAT IS THE ONE I WAS INSPIRED BY. I   
would appreciate it if I didn't get any mail about these not being the actual lyrics. My   
thanks.  
  
/Forfeit the game, stop the talk show/  
/*couldn't hear it well*, you're taught to know,/  
/Forfeit the game, cause tomorrow,/  
/When it's all done, you reap what you sow./  
  
/You love the way I look at you,/  
/While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through,/  
/You take away, if I give in,/  
/My life, my pride, is broken./  
  
/You've got to think you're never wrong,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You have to act like you're someone,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You want someone to hurt like you,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You want to share what you've been afraid of,/  
/You live what you've learned./  
  
/You love the things, I say I do,/  
/The way I hurt myself again, just to get back at you./  
/You take away, when I give in,/  
/My life, my pride, is broken./  
  
/You've got to think you're never wrong,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You have to act like you're someone,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You want someone to hurt like you,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You want to share what you've been afraid of,/  
/You live what you've learned./  
  
/Forfeit the game, stop the talk show,/  
/*can't hear it well*, you're taught to know,/  
/Forfeit the game, cause tomorrow,/  
/When it's all done, reap what you sow./  
  
/Forfeit the game, stop the talk show,/  
/*can't hear it well*, you're taught to know,/  
/Forfeit the game, cause tomorrow,/  
/When it's all done, reap what you sow./  
  
/You've got to think you're never wrong,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You have to act like you're someone,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You want someone to hurt like you,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You want to share what you've endured,/  
/You live what you've learned./  
  
/You've got to think you're never wrong,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You have to act like you're someone,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You want someone to hurt like you,/  
/You live what you've learned,/  
/You want to share what you've been afraid of,/  
/You live what you've learned./  
  
Not all the lyrics are entirely appropriate, or if they are, it can't be verified. But it got me   
thinking.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I fear her.  
  
This isn't the way it is supposed to be between sisters. Years on the road teach   
you to be observant, and I've seen how other sister's act. Little sisters view their older   
sisters with love, respect, annoyance or even resentment. But they don't fear them.  
  
And yet the mere mention of onee-sama is enough to send me quivering. Gone is   
the vibrant, independent, genius sorceress, enter the terrified, obedient slave, ready to   
serve my sister's whim. Years away from her haven't lessoned the terror; the things I've   
learned haven't reduced her impact upon me.   
  
I suppose the conditioning of early years does that to you. When mistakes are met   
with blows, disobedience met with painful spells, and even unrelated anger is taken out   
on you, you develop a mindset that resists adjustment, simply for the sake of self-  
preservation. Even now, should I stand up to onee-sama, I have no doubt she would   
make me regret it. But I know that I never will. Even more than the pain, I fear her   
anger. Which is strange, because her anger leads to pain, and if I don't fear the pain,   
what is there to be afraid of?  
  
I used to believe that I would grow out of this. That distance was all that was   
needed, that when I was more powerful, she wouldn't be able to intimidate me as badly.   
I lived for the day when I would be able to stand before her, an equal or at least, less an   
inferior. What I wouldn't give for the smallest kernel of respect from her. Some   
indication that I had moved from convenient tool to sibling in her eyes. I suppose,   
despite my fear, I still love her. She's my sister after all. How's that for twisted?  
  
But I can't see that happening in the near future. When her handwriting can shoot   
waves of sheer panic down my spine, I know I haven't made any progress. I still search   
for more power, for ways to make her respect me, to look at me with affection. I don't if   
there is such a thing. My search, though successful in some respects, has remained as   
fruitless as Zelgadis's search for a cure in all ways that count.  
  
I still fear her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
I fear her.  
  
That isn't the way it's supposed to be between friends. I know from my   
observations at the palace what friends are supposed to be. Someone to talk with, to   
share your problems with, someone who you care about, and who cares about you in   
return. And I suppose in some regards, Lina-san is all those things. But friends don't   
fear each other.  
  
And yet, a menacing glare from her is all that it takes to send me, or any of our   
companions, rushing to obey her command. All considerations of what is right, what is   
reasonable, what is best for anyone else flies out the window when she expresses a desire.  
My royal heritage, upbringing, and my passion for justice don't make the slightest   
difference in the face of her wrath.  
  
Looking at our little group, you'd never guess that a tiny female sorceress would   
have a tall expert swordsman, a princess of noble blood and heart, and even sometimes a   
chimera with an emotional shell as tough as his skin following her every whim. But   
when deviation from her will results in beatings, spells of assorted types and power, and   
general viciousness you learn quickly that standing up to her simply isn't worth the pain   
that comes with it. Besides, it's not like she wants us to do anything unreasonable. Most   
of the time, anyway.  
  
If traveling with her is so unpleasant, why do I continue to accompany her on her   
journeys? Inexplicably, we all continue to follow her, making me sometimes wonder if   
we are all closet masochists. But I'm sure everyone has their reasons. In many ways, I   
admire her. She's so strong, independent and in control. She knows exactly what she   
wants, and doesn't let anything get in the way of her goal. She goes through life,   
seemingly unaffected by whatever fate throws at her. I want to be like that. I want to   
guide my own destiny, and I'd like to do it beside her. As a partner, rather than a   
glorified sidekick. Someone who has and deserves the respect she doles out so sparingly.   
I want to be a true friend.  
  
I can't imagine how I would go about doing that. My attempts so far have   
resulted in failure, my bruises can attest to that. How do you earn the friendship of   
someone for whom a whack on the head can just as easily be a gesture of affection as a   
punishment for doing something stupid. I don't know if I've made any progress, how   
Lina-san truly views any of us. She isn't the type to be vocal about her feelings. I guess   
I'll continue to follow her as long as I can, though eventually duty will pull me away. I   
hope our relationship will change from its current state before that happens.  
  
I still fear her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
...Well that turned out to be mildly depressing, didn't it? Just for anyone who's   
wondering, no I don't have anything against Lina, she's actually one of my favorite   
characters. I was simply making some observations and parallels. And Amelia was   
chosen because she seemed to fit at the time, though she acts as a general spokespiece for   
all her regular companions. Read and Review, if you could. Or email me at   
madame_meow@hotmail.com. Buh bye.  



End file.
